So, about a month ago I finally made the decision I had been putting off for quiet some time now. The economy has been kicking the ass off my career dreams and, although I made the jump to leave home and try to "make it" in the big city, I had to be "responsible" enough to give up my dream and leave this life behind ( for now at least). I've lived in Chicago for a year now and have spent two months of it with a real job. Good thing I saved up money and was prepared for unemployment. Especially when you don't qualify for unemployment when you are only at a job for two months. Awesome.
So, yes, I am leaving Chicago. To feel better about the whole thing ,now that the inevitable will occur in less than two weeks, I have decided to list the pros and cons of Chicago.
Pro:
- The city skyline. I love seeing the John Hancock Building or the Sears Tower peak out from the horizon when I am walking down the street. It is like a friendly wave hello from Chicago. Like " Hi Erica, I'm Chicago and I just wanted to say hi!"

( John Hancock Building saying "Hi" to my sister, Heather, when she came to visit)
Con:
- Being stuck inside my tiny 500 sq ft apartment for half the year because it is between -20 to 50 degrees outside with a crazy windchill I don't even want to think about! I will also say that not being able to go outside half the time versus being able to go to the beach year round is not really a fair trade!

Pro:
- Bored? There are plenty of random things to do in this city. Why don't you go to the Farmer's Market in Lincoln Park. Maybe catch a concert of one of your favorite bands. You want to see an obscure band you heard of on pandora.com, well, guess who is coming to Chicago? How about we go see a play this weekend. I heard "Wicked" is playing. Or how about we just go see some museums and enrich our minds? My favorite, of course, is the Art Institute.

Con:
- No friends and Family around. =( You know you don't realize how hard it is to make new friends until you are thrown into an atmosphere where you don't know a soul. Sure I have made some friends here that I occasionally hang out and who I will miss dearly. But there is nothing like the friends you met in college or you grew up with. It has been really hard making a connection with people up here, like those I have made before.

Pro:
- The diversity! Kinda of ironic to say since I live off of "Diversey" Parkway( Lol, anyone?). But seriously, sometimes I just want to hop on the El, get off at a stop I've never been to and start walking. I just soak up all the little shops and restaurants, all the different people. I love that things here are so different from home. It is amazing to see all the life in people around here. I love it to the core!
Con:
- Bums..Yes, I know I just went on a rant about diversity and no I am not heartless. But seriously, there is nothing more irritating than when you are having a horrible day and you get harassed on the way home by at least two or three bums. It is especially worse when it is the same one over and over again. There are at least two, sometimes three that I come across whenever I go to run en errand that is seriously only about three blocks away. I'm sorry Streetwise Seller but I will not miss you when I leave especially since your constant " Hello Miss Hello Miss,Ya wanna biye streeeee-wizze!?!?!?!" will probably be permanently drilled into my head.

Pro ( and Con):
- Not having to deal with driving a car has been a liberating experience. I always get nervous when it comes to exploring big cities in a car. The streets are narrow and there are always crazy drivers. Then you have to try to find parking which is a pain everywhere. But public transportation is just liberating. The freedom of not having to worry about finding a parking spot or leaving your car unattended in a certain part of town, is awesome. Yes, I have had to learn to stuff my bag with things I might need latter on since making a quick stop at home or leaving it in your car is not an option. Oh, and did I mention that public transportation is a lot cheaper. When I drove to work in Florida, I spent about 200 dollars on gas a month. Here, when I had a full time job, I spent 75 dollars for a month pass on the bus and train. Plus, I don't have car payments or car insurance to pay for.


Con:
10.25% sales tax and 3% State Incomes Tax vs. 7% Sales tax and 0% State Income Tax. Nuff said!
Pro:
- If I could say one thing that I have definitely loved about being in Chicago for a year, it was the chance to experience four distinctive seasons. It really is something to go from Florida where you dread the sweltering hot summers to Chicago where summer is the best season of the year! With blue skies and sunshine with a cool breeze, summer can't get much better than that.

Then comes fall. I remember the first tree I saw change color. I was on my way to work, riding the bus through Lincoln Park when I saw this tree with deep red leaves. It brought a smile to my face. Only a few weeks later was the entire park filled with shades of deep reds and bright yellows.

Then the air shifted and you could feel mother nature preparing for the next change. Winter. I remember the first time it started to snow. I was at work when the flurries started. I, of course, jumped up from my seat and peered out the window, ecstatic as the rest of my office groaned at the inevitable cold that would settle on Chicago and wouldn't release it's grip until sometime in April. Although, I too, would come to hate the snow and wish for it to leave already, the first few months were gorgeous.

I remember one night when Ryan was working and I was home alone. It was snowing outside and had been for a few hours. The snow was piled about 6 inches high and I made the decision to grab my camera and wander for awhile in the falling snow. I don't even know how to describe what snow looks like when it has freshly fallen and the lights of the streetlamps are shining causing each flake on the ground to sparkle. It is really rather breath taking that there could be so much beauty in the simplest of things.

Then after overstaying it's welcome, the snow melted and then cold rain came. The atmosphere had been cold and gray for sometime when spring began to appear. I remember looking out my window at the bare trees lining the streets below thinking " Come on! When is spring gonna come already!". The next time I looked upon those trees a few days later, their limbs were sprinkled with bright, almost neon green freshly sprouted buds.

Spring had finally arrived. Now on my walks through the streets I smelled blooming flowers. To my delight, the first flowers to bloom were, my all time favorite, tulips! They were everywhere in every color imaginable.

Anyways, I could go on and go obviously. The point is, there are a lot of good and bad things about living in Chicago as well as living in Florida, but I think what counts the most is that I went out into the world and experienced things I never had before. Now I appreciate and respect all life as to offer that much more...

"Take your time love cause you don't have to rush,
cause it's your life and it's no one else's, sweetheart.
Don't let someone put you in a box."
I love this song. I found it on Pandora.com. Well, it kinda found me, as most songs do on Pandora.com. You just type in an artist ( or song) and it will play that type of music for you. I love it. It just delivers all these unknown artists to my ears via my laptop speakers.
Anyways, this song encompasses my most common internal conflict.
At least that phase of the song does.
I passed my LEED AP exam today after two months of outlining the whole damn book and memorizing like 300 flash cards. I tried to keep myself positive all day. Send positive energy out into the universe. I guess it worked out. Awesome. I think the best part is that when I passed I felt this cloud lift off of me. I felt like I got this second wind. Ok, Chicago, it's time for round two. Are you ready for me?
And them comes the others. Those who try to "put you(me) in a box".
Today, Ryan mentioned that his boss wants to know what day will be his last day at Hollywood video. He was like, "what do you think? June 5th?" To which I was like, "well, I don't know, I would like to try to get a job here."
You know, I just got the LEED AP status and I am praying that maybe my luck will change and , by some chance, something might back. So he gets all irritated with me. Because I keep " changing the plan". So what I am just supposed to go home. Not even try? So sorry if it is hard for me to let go of this dream of living in Chicago. Besides, what does it matter to him. He is leaving in July ,anyways, whether or not I stay here.
So to top that ,of course, when I told my sister Tiffani about LEED today she pushed that wants to me move back home. She was trying to tell me how other sister, Heather is going to need me after her break up with Tucker ( her boyfriend of 7 years), which I understand, but isn't this my life I'm living here. Shouldn't I have a say in where I am located? You know this whole LEED thing really has jump started my desire to stay in the Interior Design business and Sarasota is NOT the type of area where I could really grow professionally.
It is just so frustrating. I wish I didn't have all these little birdies in my ear telling me what I "should" be doing. Sometimes, I honestly, just want to have everyone leave me alone.
If I could find a job in Chicago within the next 6 weeks ( by some miracle) you know it would be nice to be alone for awhile. I just feel like all these people are pulling me away from what I really want to do. I don't know EXACTLY what it is or how to obtain it. I just know when people tell me what to do it is never anything that I really "want" to do. If anything, I would rather get an apartment by myself ANYWHERE but closer to my controlling family. I love them and all but man, living away from them really is liberating.
Why do I let people have this power or me. I think I am just scared of getting myself into a bind that I will have to have my parents bail me out of. Like the phrase my dad said that really pissed me off the other night.." You can just do that until you run out of money and then I'll HAVE to take care of you."
I wish I could just have some sort of security that if I made a decision to stay I would be ok but I guess that is why they call it a risk. So for now, I'm just gonna try my hardest to ignoring the should's and try my hardest to see what I can accomplish between now and the time my lease is up.

I thought with time there would come clarity. I was wrong. I am just as confused with what direction to take my life as I was the first day I became "unemployed". Just great. I can't believe that February is almost over. I've been saying that March would be the decision month. March is sneaking up closer and closer and do I have an answer to the dilemma that is my career? No, of course not. I'm starting to worry a lot. Stress out, swirl ideas around and around in my head until I have to just ignore them or want to cry. I can't fall asleep without a good hour or two of being in my thoughts. It has been like that for I don't know how long. I think I have noticed it more this week because I have been pretty sick. I try to go to sleep early to get well soon but I just lay there. It is almost like I am over tired. My mind just keeps buzzing and my eyes start to burn or ache from being active for too long. Last night I had the ultimate disaster. I had a dream that I was out to dinner with some people from this orange county housewives show ( I was with some of the daughters) and we were talking about what I was going to do! Too funny right? Only, no it isn't too fun having those awkward, lost conversations that play out with my friends and family in real life, in my dreams as well. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH, I don't know what to do. Every idea I come up with just doesn't satisfy me. I think the worst part of it is that I feel like I wasted my time at school. Maybe for the first time, I feel like getting an Interior Design degree was a waste of time. And it wasn't an easy task at that, which I think makes it worse! This career has just been nothing but trouble for me from the get go. I am just constantly struggling to get to that point that made me want to get my degree and stay in the design program. I had a little taste of it at Looney and then it got whisked away. It took a lot of stars to align for me to get that job. What if that doesn't happen again? I'm not used to being mediocre at things and I have always felt that I am mediocre at Interior Design. Yea, I have an eye for design as in I can deconstruct why things look good together aesthetically. But other than an artistic eye, I am not much of a creator. I am always held back or so I seem to think. Maybe it is not that I am held back but that there is nothing there? AHHHHHHHHHH I don't know....I don't know jack squat. Then there is the whole idea of going back to school..yea..Nursing or something in the medical field is always in demand but is it my passion? No. Have I ever wanted to be a Doctor or a Nurse before? Not really. I just think about how I like to be nurturing and it pays good money so is that enough to take my dreaded science classes for? I had always thought about becoming a dentist but that involves starting from square one almost and taking eight years to get to my goal. I think my problem with going back to school is that I don't want to commit all this time into something that I don't whole heartily believe in. For me, time is of the essence. I don't want to waste my life. I am already 25 and still haven't gotten my foot in the door in the Interior Design world. It was more like I got it pried open and then it slammed shut on my foot. Do I give up on try on another door or do I try to pry it open again? I sometimes think about whether leaving my job at montague was a mistake. I know it wasn't. I needed to move forward in my career. But with two steps forward it seems as though I have taken 5 steps back.
I don't even know if I want to stay in Chicago anymore. I miss the outdoors. I miss the beach. I love the theater, museums, not having to deal with parking and driving ( most of the time I like that), and the unique sights and sounds. I hate the cold, the dreary winter days, the BUMS, the dirt and the grim, and the loneliness. The lack of friends and family I love so dearly. I feel like Chicago appeals to my curiosity and my adventurous/spontaneous side but not my introverted, home body, outdoorsy-tom-boy side. No wonder I am confused. I am split down the middle. I think that is why I have a problem with the idea of moving back to Florida. Because the feelings would be reversed. Florida doesn't hold any unknowns. I lived in Florida for 24 years and have been to pretty much every part. There isn't much left to explore in Florida. So if not Florida or Chicago, then where to next? So many decisions to make and I am so scared to end up where I am now but in a new location and with even less money to support myself with. I've never been so lost in my life and I don't know where to start to find my way again...

Have you ever had a dream about someone from your past and felt a little shaken up by it that next morning? I had this dream about my high school sweetheart. Don't let the "sweetheart" fool you. He has my first just about everything and what did I get for it? About a week of ignored phone calls when he went off to college with an " I don't love you anymore" break up line over the phone. So, I haven't seen him for about 7 1/2 years now. So why is it that he pops up into my dreams every blue moon. And in them, he is always nice and still in love with me and I am always swooning. *gag* I feel like my mind has betrayed me when I wake up from such dreams. I always try to think of what might have triggered such a dream. The closest I can come is that I finally responded to ,my other big-time ex, Keith's facebook e-mail after about I month of ignoring it. Although I don't know if he will ever speak with me again, which I think is kinda the point, I am glad that I was finally honest with him. I am almost never completely honest with him because I never wanted to upset him ( I know another *gag* response to that admittance). I was that infatuated with him and he still has/had some of that power over me. That is until I told myself "fuck it" and just wrote back that although I am ok with an e-mail now and then, I don't think that us being in contact anymore than that would be good for my relationship with my boyfriend or his ROCKY MARRIAGE (Oh yes ladies and gents, it was one of those things..."my marriage isn't working out ..blah blah blah" yea and what do you want me to do about it?"). Anywho, hopefully this weird feeling from my dream will fade within a few hours ( hopefully sooner).
So chickpeas. Yes, chickpeas. You see, I had this yummy chickpea salad ( the more I think about it I think it was a coucous salad only the couscous was a different kind that I had never seen before). So I saw this can of chickpeas in the grocery store and thought, "I should try to make a chickpea salad". It was only just last night that I finally completed that project and boy was it yummy ( or should I say "Yummo" since it was a Rachel Rae recipe?). It consisted of Chickpeas (duh), red onion, celery, red pepper, rosemary, minced garlic, red pepper flakes, red wine vinegar, and olive oil, tossed and chilled ( always best chilled). It was exact acidity I imagined. The red onion was very bitey but I read some reviews online that gave a few alternates to chill it out. So the only reason I bring this up is because lately I have become a vegetarian. It is funny really. I did this detox for seven days where you start day one fasting and add a food group each day ( fruits, raw veggies, brown rice, nuts and beans, grains, fish). After my detox was over I got weak and bought some take out pizza for dinner that next week. I love Luigi's pizza, normally, but once I bit into the slice all I tasted was oil from the pepperoni. It wasn't very appetizing. Some semblance of this scenario seems to play out every time I eat meat now. I get excited and then when I eat it, I am thinking how unsatisfying and totally not worth it the meal is. I made up a turkey, avocado, turkey bacon sandwich the other day which I used to love..not appetizing anymore. I have gone over a year now without eating red meat, is full vegetarian-hood just around the corner? Well, I guess not full blown since I like eating fish and shrimp still. But isn't it interesting. I think so. My little brother just became vegan about two three months ago, my mom will be so proud to have another child lean towards to the veg side. So for now, I am gonna eat my chickpea salad and my risotto and we'll see what crazy veggie dish I'll make next.

I have been trying not to discuss my current situation too much because if it works out, it will be too good to be true. I deeply believe in jinxing yourself by talking things up too much. However, I think writing about it, sending these thoughts out into the universe, to the unknown ears ( well eyes in this case) of whoever should read this...I don't think this will jinx me right? I have a tendency to map out how I think my life should go. I guess I'm just a nerd like that, planning everything. But I wouldn't know how else to live. I need to have goals to achieve otherwise you just live for downtime and who wants the highlight of their life be sitting and vegging out in front of the tv, right? Or going out and getting wasted every weekend? I like to have direction. When I was in school, a direction was easy to find. Get good grades and go to a good university. Check. Get good grades and graduate. Check. Then you graduate and you are left standing at not just a crossroad but more like one of those areas in Miami or Atlanta on the interstate where you have so many exits that can take you so many different places. Some of the exits you get off at, you may never be able to find your way back if you find that you are going the wrong way. So finding direction after college can be a bit tricky. Sure, you know you want to utilize your degree you worked so hard to get but the real world doesn't seem to sympathize with this need. " We need/ are looking for someone with more experience" is often the dreaded response ( if you get a response at all, being ignored is just as fun...) of college graduates in search of a job to justify all those years of studying and your build up of student loans that now places you in the "real world" situation of being in debt.
So after two years of trying to find the right direction, you can understand my hesitation to over-think my current situation. I finally got one of my life goals accomplished almost two months ago. I moved to Chicago. And I do love it here. I may still be feeling my way around but the energy and the city life is so intriguing. Even the change of weather is great. Whoever thought that you could look forward to summer. I see why northerners do. Summer up north is beautiful. You can go outside and enjoy yourself instead of sweating to death, like in Florida summers. And there are no hurricanes! Every time I hear about hurricanes in south I am just amazed that, for the first time in my life ever, hurricanes no longer effect my everyday life. No torrential rain, the town isn't closed down, nothing. ( Although we did have a tornado issue during the middle of July and being 14 stories up when there is a tornado coming is kinda scary)
So anyways, I love living in Chicago. My only issue is that I have been starting to get stir crazy. Working at home can do that to you. Yes, it is nice getting up at 9am and going out for a little run until 10, then have some food and shower until 11am when I start some work. And if I don't feel like working, I can always wait until the evening to finish up my few hours a day I must put in ( unless there is a strict deadline of course). But, working from home doesn't allow me to become part of the city hustle and bustle. And I so want to be part of it. I also am only making part time money which pays the bills but it would be nice if I could treat myself every once in a while and not worry that it may cause me to dip into my savings to pay bills eventually. Plus, I quit my last job for a reason. I want to do Interior Design, no just CAD. And especially not CAD that gets red-lined by Jeanette (A.K.A. "Dragon Jeanette" as Nadine likes to call her..I think it suits her). So that is why this opportunity just has to work out. Everything will change if it does. Everything I want in my career will finally start moving forward.
I got a phone call the other day. Wednesday actually. It was from one of the head people from Looney and Associates. Looney and Associates is a firm who's project I have worked on since I started doing CAD for Montague. I still work on their projects with my contract work. When I first came to Chicago, they had said they wouldn't be hiring for the next 6 months ( which to me sounded like they were blowing me off..who says six months? That is like if they said " A hundred years") I really wanted to try to get a position within this firm because:
A. They specialize in Hospitality Interior design ( as in Ritz Carlton, Sheraton, Intercontinental hotels)
B. I am very familiar with their projects ( like I said, I have worked on many)
C. They are in CHICAGO!
So I was a little disappointed when they " blew me off" but I was determined something would work out for me eventually, if I was just patient. So when I got this phone call on Wednesday morning, I was extremely shocked. She told me that she wanted to meet me and we set up an interview for next Thursday. My boss at Montague is really good friends with this associate and so has been talking me up to her for awhile which is so nice of her. When I got off the phone with Looney, I had an e-mail from my boss saying that I was going to get a call for an interview. She told me to just be myself and not be nervous and wished me luck. How great is that? So now everyone from my former/contract job knows about this interview and are crossing their fingers for me. If I were to get this position, everything would be set in motion. I don't even care if I am just working in their CAD department. This company is big and has lots of advancement opportunities and it is in the specialization that I want. If I get this job, I will be so happy. I will have the opportunity to achieve my career goals. I will be able to work toward taking the NCIDQ to become licensed, I will get to work in a big time city firm on amazing projects from all over the world, and I get to work in the Interior Design field! But like I said, I don't want to jinx it. I just hope that they like me. All I can do is be myself and try to stay friendly, professional, and relaxed during the interview. If I don't get it, I will be a little hurt but I will just have to brush myself off and try at it in a different direction. I just hope that this is my break, though. I have been waiting for a break since I got out of school. I just hope this is it...I just hope.

Ok so, I don't have much time to chat but I just have to write something out. Get my mind flowing or something. The jist of this whole thing is, I have an interview with a company I randomly sent my resume out to back in November and of course now that I have a job, people have been contacting me( this one and one in tampa so far). So I have an interview today which I have mixed feelings about. I really like the people I work with at montague but seriously, my job has no where to go. I secretly hope one of the project managers will get pregnant and that Misty will promote me but considering it would be easier to replace a project manager than a CAD designer, I am pretty much looking at staying with this company for a year, tops. Which is good in a way since I DON'T WANNA STAY IN FUCKING NOKOMIS/SARASOTA FOREVER!!!....So now, this other place contacts me and they want me to start as a design assistant and there is a career path to Interior Designer which will take about 5 to 7 years ( not that I want to stay here that long but atleast I will be learn essential Interior Design stuff). I know this job will help with the progression of my career. I know it will but I also wasn't really prepared to have to sell myself to people all over again. I thought after finding the job I have now that I could just chill out and make money and focus on Ryan and me trying to get things together so we don't have to keep doing this long distance thing. But, I guess it doesn't hurt to talk. I just have some many mixed feelings. I just wish I could get things to stablize for a minute so I could get used to the whole idea of being this new adult in this crazy new world of 9-5, 5 days a week work thing oh yea, and the headaches of bills. So yea, I don't know. Hopefully when I interview today after work ( which I feel horrible about how sneaky I have to be about it but it's business not personal, right?)the answer will jump out at me. I just miss Ryan and wish that everything could finally get figured out...

My boss had all of us take this video to send to our main office people in England. It's cute so I wanted to put it on my LiveJournal.
Happy Holidays!

I'm at such an insane place in life right now. Only eleven days left until I turn in my final project for interior design. I have to work for these next eleven days like crazy. I'm already starting to get stir-crazy..a little. Along with this worry there is searching for a job in tallahassee( which according to my advisor is gonna be hard enough as it is)which means getting my resume, portfolio and cover letters all prepared. Oh yea and then there is the year anniversary of my brother's death which is coming up so fast I can barely breathe...one year. a whole year without him in the world...and the time will just keep passing..first one year...then five...then ten...then next thing you know I'll have kids, and nieces and nephews asking about uncle seb and what he was like....
graduation will be hard...it is gonna be hard to end this part of my life. With this chapter closing, another begins...i guess. I hate change. Transitional periods aren't good for me. I think too much. heh, we all know this. But especially in periods where i'm uncomfortable..unadjusted.
Backpacking through Europe is gonna be a blast. What an adventure! I can't wait. Well, I can wait..a little bit longer..only because I will be without Ryan for a whole month. Anna and I are gonna be pathetically missing our boyfriends while in europe..but we'll also be distracted with all the architecture, art, and culture around us! Awesome.
BUT for now I have to stay focused on my school..just for a little longer...It's hard to believe that in eleven days( well, longer if you include presentation and revision time) I will be done with my final interior design project!!
Better get back to work.

bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I fucking finished my damn project! It's finished! It is finished and presented and turned in and it's four twenty and it's time to celebrate. I'm sooo tired though. Even after having..hmmm like 6 hours of sleep. I guess that is what happens when you have been getting by anywhere from 3 to 4 hours of sleep for a week straight! All I have left to do is turn in the group lighting project, which got finished yesterday after class. We were troopers,man! All of us were running on little or no sleep ( poor ash, hadn't slept in two days!) and we fucking cranked out that lighting project in five hours! Us interior design student, man, we are resilient! But now it's time for the internship and my last day of my Modern architecture class, and then holiday celebrations although I have a feeling that I will pass out after like one bowl. heh. I feel like I have something that needs to get done but I know that i don't ( besides getting the project printed and bound which will take no time and barely a brain to do). That is the only thing that drives me crazy about this major is that you get used to working steadily for like two weeks straight and then you finish and get it all turned in and it's like " ok what next, what do I have to do next". This major makes me neurotic. Its hard to believe that I have one more project to do and then it's over. Then I will have conquered the craziest, most intense major at FSU. Wow, what an accomplishment. Crazy.

Happy 2006! Wow, 2005 went by pretty damn fast.
Didn't do too much for new year's. My sister's friend camille had me and my sisters and their sig others over her house.It was cool. She had waterfront house with a really long dock and it got soo foggy we couldn't see many fireworks across the water but we had our own and lit those off. There was a karoke machine though and after a few drinks, it was used all too well. It was fun. My sister tiffani made me do i will survive and i got way carryed away..I slightly remember heather's flash from her camera so i'm sure that she'll have pictures. Drunk karoke is great fun. Also, I got into a really interesting conversation with camille's husband, lee. The boys were talking in a corner and the girls in another at first but when i saw he had a drafting area i had to pry and asked him if he was an architect. Turns out he is a landscape architect and he should me a bunch of his work. It was soo cool. He told me that landscape architecture isn't all just plants, he also does gates and fountains and all types of exterior design. I guess thinking landscape archiecture is just all about the plants is a common misconception. But yea, he had his drafting table with the parallel bars and this little thing that kept his templates organized as well as this spinny thing for his markers ( he uses prisma color as opposed to pantone). He was just really cool seeing the landscape architects contribution to a design. He had all these elevations in layers on trace paper which is something i do in design school. It's interesting to see how even professionals use the design process that you learn right from the beginning. My sisters were laughing at me while i was engaged in the conversation since they knew that I was sucked in. I love design. It was awesome. And he works on million dollar house around here and makes awesome money. I bet there is good money working here, too bad there is absolutely no way i am moving back here. lol.
Anyways, hope everyone had an awesome new year! I'm leaving for Tallahassee tomorrow. Marc is supposed to be flying in sometime but he has yet to let us ( eduardo,val, and myself) all the details.So, see ya in tally.
Tah

Ok so, the good news, yay i'm going to visit my holly tomorrow in miami! I'm going for two days and driving back up on new year's. I was gonna baby sit my little nephew but now my sister and her husband aren't going some party so they are staying home. She might be getting the cold i have. Adian had a cold last week and gave it to me which is getting around to everyone else. Yay. I was really sick on christmas eve and christmas and am now down to a cough and stuffy nose. Hope i don't give holly my cold when go down to MIA. Uhh, bad news. As if there wasn't enough death in my family, my only living grandmother had a stroke yesterday and is days away from dying. Fun. Trying to get it all in one year, god? She is very,very,very old (94) but it is her time to go i guess. she is the only grandparent i have ever really known though, since my maternal grandmother and father died when i was about 6 and 7 and my paternal grandfather died before i was born. There are mixed feelings on the whole thing of course since she is really old and she has lived a full life but my dad has always been a momma's boy so it is hard for him to see her go. Happy New year, luv god..heh. Anyways, after this whole thing is over with, death better not come knocking on my door for another ten years atleast( i only say ten because that is when all the crap like this happens, in ten year incriments). Atleast grandma gerri will get to see grandpa ted soon enough since she has been without him for the past 25 years or so. Go in peace grandma gerri, and say hi to seb for all our us.

Mystic Theurge 33% Combativeness, 23% Sneakiness, 61% Intellect, 58% Spirituality

Brilliant and spiritual! You are a Mystic Theurge! Score! You have a prestige class. A prestige class can only be taken after you’ve fulfilled certain requirements. This may mean that you’re an exceptionally talented person, but it probably doesn't. The Mystic Theurge is a combination of a cleric and a mage. They can cast both arcane and divine spells, and are good at both, making them pretty terrifying on the battlefield. They have more raw spellpower than just about any other class. You're both intelligent and faithful, but not violent or deceitful. I guess that makes you a pretty good person.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 34% on Combativeness You scored higher than 18% on Sneakiness You scored higher than 32% on Intellect You scored higher than 64% on Spirituality

Link: The RPG Class Test written by MFlowers on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Obi Wan You scored 61 force strength and 26 evilness!

You are Obi Wan, but not the one played by Ewan McGregor.... but the other guy. The Guy who says: "Search your feelings, Luke" and hangs around giving advise but never lifting a finger of his own, you lazy ghost bastard!

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 89% on force strength You scored higher than 48% on dark points

Link: The Which Star Wars Character R U Test written by strongglad on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Rowhouse 'Hood You scored 32 out of 40 on urban-rural and 26 out of 40 land intensity.

People know you as: The Bohemian Gentrifier Quote: "That crack house just needed a little paint." Your score indicates that you are a city-dweller of the old-school. You like a dense, finely grained neighborhood with restaurants, churches and brothels all on the same block. Although you've never spoken to him personally, you know that guy Eddie down the street is a pimp and you're sure to tell your lame suburban friends about him at every opportunity, just to freak them out. The bad news is that as more and more people like you move into your neighborhood it gradually becomes less cool and more expensive. Enjoy things while you can, because in 5 years you're going to have to move to the next 'hood uptown. Examples of places you should live: Baltimore, Philadelphia All Categories Secluded Hideaway / Farm or Ranch / Small Town / Little City / Suburb / Streetcar Suburb / Rowhouse 'Hood / Downtown Loft

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 73% on urban-rural You scored higher than 67% on land intensity

Link: The Where Should You Live Test written by TwelveFloorsUp on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

ok then

Although I don't feel there should have to be any justification, I figured I would just throw this out as a reminder to those who i have pissed off with any odd behavior I've have had lately or even this whole freakin semester. It is not personal. It is not about you. This has been the hardest few months of my entire life and anything that you have taken offense to you shouldn't. If you can't understand that, then whatever. Have a good life...I don't have the emotional energy...you should understand that.

Within the past twenty four hours, I have come to realize how similar babies and puppies are. They need constant attention, you have to keep a close watch on them or they might get into something you don't want them to, they wine if you put them in time out for disobeying, the always want to play when you are trying to get work done, they don't want to eat when you want them to, you have to clean up after they poop and pee, if you are leaving somewhere, you have to get a sitter. So pretty much they are completely dependent on you..i'm dog sitting more friends eduardo and valerie's new puppy...and she is driving me nuts.
I guess this means that i really am a cat person, and I shouldn't have kids for awhile.

Three names I'm called:
1.E
2.Air
3.BBG(baby girl)

Three screen names I have had:
1.Erykah314
2.Juste2284
3.


Three physical things I like about myself:
1. Teeth/ Smile
2. eyes
3. not gonna lie, my breasts

Three physical things I don't like about myself:
1. thighs
2. stomach
3. butt( i don't hate them all, they just need a little refinement)

Three parts of my heritage:
1. My maternal grandma is from Poland
2. My maternal grandfather is from Sweden
3. My last name is french

Three things that scare me:
1.Rape/rapists
2. Being in the middle of nowhere at night by myself
3. never finding anyone to grow old with

Three of my everyday essentials:
1. family( can be a quick hello phone call or a visit)
2. something artistic
3. music

Three of my favorite musical artists:
1. Coldplay
2. Maynard Keenan
3. Bowling for soup i guess; it's hard to narrow it down to just three

Three of my favorite songs:
1. sober- tool
2. green eyes- Coldplay
3. stairway to heaven- led zeppelin

Three things I want in a relationship:
1. honesty/trust
2. humor
3. thoughtfulness

Three LIES:
1. I love tomatoes!
2. I'm a virgin
3. I don't miss playing music/ performing
Three TRUTHS:
1. I can't wait to go home for thanksgiving
2. I have no idea where i want to go when i graduate
3. I miss my family

Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to me:
1. arms
2. smile
3. butt

Three of my favorite hobbies:
1. going for walks
2. having good conversations
3. going to art exhibitions and musuems

Three things I want to do really badly now:
1.travel to europe
2. to have my projects finished
3. to see my nephew walk

Three careers I've considered:
1. interior designer
2. furniture connossier(sp?) for sotheby's
3. designer of green products in interior design

Three places I want to go on vacation:
1. china
2. Istanbul
3. Colorado

Three kid's names I like:
1. Ksenia
2. Corbin
3. Jordan ( for a girl)

Three things I want to do before I die:
1. Have a family
2. Pass the NCIDQ (lol)
3. See the Haggia Sophia in Istanbul

Three ways that I am stereotypically a boy:
1. I swear a lot
2. I can take any comment and make it sounds like it is pertaining to sex
3. I think/ talk about sex a lot

Three ways that I am stereotypically a girl:
1. I like to shop
2. I'm moody
3. I like cute things like babies and stuffed animals

Three celebrity crushes:
1. Gerard Bulter
2. Vin Diesel
3. Vince Vaughn

Three favorite books
1. White Oleander
2. Tuesdays with Morrie
3. The Bell Jar

I just got a phone call from my friend Brit. Being that she still lives somewhat close to back home ( englewood is only like 15 minutes away) she is always up on the gossip in town. The newest one just happens to involve my ex boyfriend/highschool sweetheart ( for lack of a better phrase), Alex. She calls me up and tells me, " I don't wanna upset you but...you need to know". OF course I knew it was about alex. Britty and I both have the bastard first loves and we always understand how upsetting it is to talk about them and what they are up to. We understand what it is like to hear about your ex and get that damn pit in your stomach that seems like it comes from no where. We both wish that things that involve them didn't bother us but it does. At first i thought maybe he was engaged or something. Then i was thinking he knocked up some girl. But then she said " it's about who he's dating now" and I automatically thought of Kalan. Kalan who always hung on him in high school and who almost dated him before I did. Who flaunted her big breasts and always had that pig squeal of a laugh going whenever he said anything that could be consrued as funny...anyways..tangent...But then she told me that it was crissy..crissy conway.. The cute little phillipeano flute girl who is one year younger than me and who was my little buddy throughout my senior year of high school. Cute little crissy.. WHAT THE FUCK MAN! Nice friend she turned out to be. How could she date him! They are probably having sex too...most definately. God damn, will I ever stop caring? I haven't talked to that boy in four years. His parents sent a card to my house when they heard through the grapevine that my brother died. That is all I have come in contact with the Dimarzios. Oh and once over winter break I saw his little sister I think my sophmore year? Why do i still get a pit in my stomach when people mention him? Is this how it will always be? Because he was my first everything ( almost) I will forever care about him no matter how much he doesn't deserve it. Damn Crissy, what are you thinking?

I'm listening to The 13th step cd by a perfect circlce...and i'm thinking about jen. It's crazy how much she comes up in converstion. Not purposely really either. It's like, i'll be sitting with my interior design friends and they will tell a freshman story and i'll counter it was one that relates. I almost always beginning with " oh yea, this one time me and my exbestfriend/ old roommate/ Jen did yadda yadda yadda..it's crazy..the thing is that i don't miss the jen that exists now. I miss the one from freshman and sophmore year. That is the Jen I loved like a sister, that was my hetro...Inseperatable. I've never been such a close friend with anyone else. Me and my sister heather were pretty inseperable when we were younger but still not to this intensity. I don't know. It was a ifferent kinda friendship. And sometimes i think about the good times and it makes me sad. But it's funny but it's not the kinda sad where you miss the persona and wanna see them. like i said before, i don't wanna be friends with the jen now. And i can't help but think of comparing this to death. That person is forever only imprinted in your brain. they no longer exist in the tangible world in which we reside.
It's funny but I feel that way as well about myself. I see pictures of when i was younger and think, wow my story just keeps going. It seems like it should've stopped a long time ago. BUt now it's volumes and volumes of stories that existed at different stages of my life. Once jen and I equated life as being like a sitcom. Every season, some old people return to be main roles in your life and then others are guest appearances and some are around for a while and then leave. It makes sense if you think about it. BUt the only thing that makes sitcoms better is that you can watch reruns and relive certain periods of time. I guess that is what a memory is to us. reruns. But it still doesn't have the same quality of awareness as when it first happened. That is where a rerun of a sitcom is better. Making the event just as clearly experienced as the first time...

I never update this thing anymore. Between school, work, and trying to have a little fun my last year of college, i don't screw around online as much anymore...until now..because i'm in my history class and my teacher is on a tangent and i love wireless internet..so here is a dumb survey..
*BAM*
1. Do you still talk to the person you lost your virginity to? Fuck him...no
2. What would you do with 1,000,000 plastic spoons? Save them so i could eat icecream with only plastic spoons for the rest of my life.
3.What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school? Michael Bolton, Richie Valen, Richard Marx, blahblah
4.What is the best thing about your current job? My fellow employees are cool kids.
5. Do you wish cell phone etiquette was a required class upon purchasing one? I just thinking people should take an overall etiquette class, not just for cell phones.
6. Are you against gay marriage? No, gay people can do whatever they want. I don't really care.
7. Why? What is the big deal? So two gay people want to show they are committed to each other, what is the problem?
8. What's the most messed up food combination you've come up with that's actually tasty? Ketchup and soy sauce with scrambled eggs and cheese..sooo good.
9. Have you been on a date in the past week? No, =(
10. If yes... How did it go, if no, why not? I never said i didn't get a little something something, just didn't go on a date..got drunk at a halloween party..
11. Where are you going on your next vacation? Chicago hopefully for New Year's
12. Quote a song lyric: " All we need is some icecream and a hug"
13. Are most of the friends in your life new or old? most of my friends are...new meaning known for a year or less
14. Do you own any furniture from Ikea? NO
1. ARE YOU OVER 18? yes, no jailbait here
2. WHAT IS THE WALLPAPER ON YOUR CELLPHONE? A flower I say walking to class one day
3. DID YOU GET ENOUGH SLEEP LAST NIGHT? HAHAHAHA, I had a HUGE project due today so..no, i haven't gotten enough sleep for the past three or four days.
4. FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THIS MORNING WHEN YOU WOKE UP? Get up, take a shower before you debate hitting snooze.
5.WHAT DO YOU HAVE HANDY AT YOUR BEDSIDE? A Glass of water, cds, my cellphone, my journal,etc.
6. What's the last thing you ate? a nasty piece of candy mikey smith made me eat to see what it tasted like
7. GRILLED OR FRIED? grilled, less greasy
8. WHAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE? my personailty i think.
9. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? Depends what i'm doing.
10. FAVORITE HANGOUT? my bedroom (winkwink)
11. 3 THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT? Music, Art, and family
12. FIRST THING YOU WILL BUY IF GIVEN 1 THOUSAND DOLLARS? hmm, put it away for my europe trip.
13. FAVORITE SONGS WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING? The Keane cd
14. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? Rape
15. ARE YOU A GIVER OR TAKER? Giver
16. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? E, Airy, Eureaka, BBG
17. WHAT IS YOUR DAD'S MIDDLE NAME? Emerson
18. MOST RECENT MOVIE THAT YOU WATCHED? umm, all tyhe way through? Umm, oh north country( special screening baby)
20. STUCK ON A DESERTED ISLAND & COULD HAVE ONLY ONE KIND OF FOOD FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD IT BE? hmmm, i guess pasta since you can do some much with it
21. FAVORITE T.V. COMMERCIAL? The dr pepper one with the " I would do anything for love" song, highlarious
23. FIRST THING YOU'LL SAVE IN A FIRE? My portfolio, laptop, ipod, memory stick
24. YOUR EYE COLOR? Brown
25. WHAT ARE SOME OF THE THINGS YOU ALWAYS BRING WITH YOU? Cellphone, "e" necklace
26. WHAT DID YOU WANNA BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID? A marine Biologist
27. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY DO WHEN THE CLOCK TURNS 7 AM? depends on the day, mondays and wednesdays think damn only half left till i have to get up, other days, roll over
28.COLOR OF BED SHEETS? white
29. WHO DO U WANT TO MEET? Seth McFarlane!
30. HOW'S LIFE TODAY? Ok i guess, down with my project and gonna go celebrate later so, yea, it's swell.

I just finished watching this indie film I got off netflix called " 13 conversations about one thing"( i watched most of it late last night but paused it and watch the rest because i was falling asleep). That one thing is happiness and it was really an interesting movie.It was one of those movies that had all the different characters with their different storylines inertwined with each other in some way. Also, each story addressed a different kind of person like one had a guy who worked with that one guy who is always chipper, no matter what the day throws at him. You know the guy who makes you feel crappy about your life, like why can't that be me. And it makes you resent his happiness, makes you wish he would be miserable for once like you. Then there was this young girl who worked as a maid for so wealthy man, and she talked about how happy one must be with money. But then she goes on to say that people who have money always worry about losing it so are never really that happy. It goes on to show disatisfaction with relationships and so on and so forth. Each little conversation certain key parts of it that were like little bits of insight on the subject. I just remember in one conversation, the girl was talking about how in the city (they were in NYC) there a millions of people living around each other trying hard to ignore each other. It just struck me as so true. She was saying how each person needs 18" of space and how isn't it crazy to actually put a actual number to it. 18". There were just so many thing about the movie that really perked my interest. One bitter profession was talking to this guy that was hounding him about a test grade because he needed to pass the class to get into med school. The professor turns to the kid and says, " Why do you want to be a doctor anyways." The kid replies, " So i can help people". To that the professor responds, " Help people? How by prolonging their misery?" The movie had very insightful dialogue as well as good symbolism and cinematography. I liked it a lot. I have come to find that I like a lot of inder films lately. Though I just canceled my netflix ,since i have barely anytime to watch my movies anymore, when i start that account back up again, i'll make sure to rent more indie films. Indie films are so deeper than main stream films. Lately, I haven't a the urge to see any movies that are in the theater. None.
Last night holly, robyn, her roommate Cassey, ted, matt, and I went to see the prescreening of " North Country". Holly's old roommate , Kristen, invited us to it at AMC 20. I went because it was free although I didn't have too much of a desire to see it. The movie was well done although I wanted to punch so many people in that movie. As a woman, that movie addresses every hardship that comes to a woman due to her sex..grrr. Anyways, it was a pretty good movie. I found that indie films leave a much more lasting impression on me. I don't know. Maybe it's the artsy side of me that is drawn to it. All I know is that inde movies are more interesting to me lately than the ones that are heavily advertised.

So i got this message on facebook the other day from my roommate from freshman year. She was my very first roommate here during the summer of 02 and she was one of my first friends where we were inseperable. I am talking pre-Jen days here, that is how long ago it's been. So last time i saw her was when jen was subleasing her apartment the summer between freshmana nd sophmore year i believe. So yea, it's been awhile. So you could imagine my surprise when i got a messgae from her saying that she had though of me the other day and wanted to know if i wanted to meet her at brother's for this comedy show thing that our friend kelan ( this guy i ran around with with her that summer) was helping out with. So considering she actually asked me after all these years to come hang out with her i figured, hey what the hell. So right now i'm getting ready to go out to brother's and catch up on old times. I kinda didn't want to go alone so at first i called ted which of course he had an excuse ( getting up early tomorrow? What? you never wake up early, ever!) and then of course collin chickened out. COllin doesn't even go out on friday nights let alone a school night. But thank goodness zack was in the background and was up for a good time so he is coming with. So although i have class from 9 am to 6 tomorrow, i'm going out tonight. Let the senioritis continue to take over my judgement...bring it on!